3.6 Societal and Personal Influences on Union Formations
Elizabeth B. Pearce
As discussed in Chapter 1, these authors believe that each person is in control of their own social and family identities. Social institutions, however, also define “family” via rights, responsibilities, benefits, and taxes. While the federal government leaps to mind as the arbiter of family definitions for taxation and benefits purposes, state and local governments are the primary legislators of family law and mediators of familial relationships. This was an intentional decision made during the formation of the United States of America: that states and local municipalities be the governors of matters related to the family. It is only when there is enough disruption among the states that matters of the family rise to the national decision-making level. An example is that many different laws related to same-sex marriage created inequities for families within states and disruption for families who moved from state to state. The 2015 U.S. Supreme Court decision that the right to marry is fundamental and must be available to all couples created consistency in marriage law (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015).
In addition to government entities, institutions such as employers, schools, and insurance companies all have the authority to define family within certain parameters and to limit benefits such as sick leave, insurance coverage, and pension benefits to said family members. We know that these institutions impact the resources and benefits that families receive based on their structure and legal ties to one another. How do these varied definitions, policies, and practices affect partner and family formation and dissolutions? Whom we connect with, love, parent, marry, and divorce affects our access to resources in ways that are inequitable.
The complexity of factors in choosing a partner(s) or in forming a family makes it challenging to study family formation. Researchers and students must be willing to hold multiple ideas in mind as they analyze this topic. As you read this textbook, we will explore how institutional policies and practices may play a role in those decisions. Federal Student Aid and student loans, Medicaid and Medicare, Social Security and income taxes, immigration law, military housing policies, and health care insurance all rely on definitions of partner and family structures in order to assign taxes, rights, privileges, and benefits. Look for these examples in upcoming chapters about housing, health care, education, and more.
Official Definitions and Societal Stigma
Definitions and categories are used to assign rights, privileges, and benefits to individuals and families. Government policies grounded in these definitions are intertwined with status and stigma. For example, although same-sex and interracial marriages are now legal across the country, they still have levels of stigma associated with them, depending on location. Cohabitation, even among White heterosexual couples, has less status than marriage. Status and stigma can affect people socially and emotionally as well as economically.
Relationship Health and Relationship Challenges
While this course and text are primarily focused on how society, institutions, and kinship groups interact, we will focus here on the health of intimate relationships and what factors, both internal and external, predict the longevity of the relationship.
In Focus: What Makes Relationships Hard?
First, watch the Ted Talk “Relationships Are Hard, but Why?” by therapist Stan Tatkin in figure 3.12.
As you watch, consider:
- What was new to you in this video?
- What are the “mistakes” that the primitive brain contributes to?
- What does he mean by “Human communication, even on a good day, is terrible”?
- What is the “fun part” described by Stan Tatkin?
- In what ways can you apply these ideas to your own life or to what you have observed?
The first half of 2020 saw a confluence of worldwide events: the coronavirus and related pandemic, massive job loss, school closures, and an economic downturn along with the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement. These events have affected families in many ways; let’s look at two examples of how these trends and movements have uncovered challenges within intimate relationships.
An August 2020 letter to advice columnist Carolyn Hax started out this way:
My husband and I disagree about COVID-19 precautions and have reached the point where we’re constantly fighting about it. I am more conservative and trying to have contact with only a few families I know are taking similar precautions. He’s exposing himself and his 8-year-old son, my stepson, to a lot more people, including one family that I believe does not take COVID seriously. One child in this family had cold symptoms, and they refused to have him tested and continued to expose him to other kids.
At first my husband lied to me about seeing this family. After I found out, he said he won’t lie anymore but is going to do what he wants (Hax, 2020).
As the writer continues and Hax responds, they both acknowledge that the extreme pandemic experience has exposed the husband’s willingness to lie to his partner and disregard her feelings and needs. Hax emphasizes that this is not situation-specific but actually uncovers a challenge in the relationship that must be addressed separately from the specific circumstance. She advises the letter writer that she has several options: going to couples counseling to see if the husband is willing to change this behavior, leaving the marriage, or choosing to stay, knowing that she is not able to fully trust him.
A very public example of a relationship challenge comes to us from a popular television franchise: The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Two former Bachelorette leads, Rachel Lindsay (figure 3.13, left) and Becca Kufrin (figure 3.13, right), hosted a podcast together, Bachelor Happy Hour. Lindsay had met her husband on her season of the show, and Kufrin had met her then-fiancé on hers. Both women make some portion of their livelihood as “influencers,” as do each of their male partners.
As the Black Lives Matter movement gained more notice and additional White allies emerged, Kufrin identified herself publicly as someone who wanted to become a more knowledgeable and active person in the racial justice movement. Simultaneously, her fiancé, Garrett Yrigoyen, posted Instagram images that presented his support of the opposing Blue Lives Matter movement. Kufrin discussed both her own personal development and the challenges she faced in her relationship on the podcast. Kufrin and Yrigoyen have since ended their engagement and relationship. In 2021, Lindsay left the podcast for reasons related to the ways in which the franchise treated contestants of color and issues of race on the show. As of 2024, she and her husband are in the process of divorcing.
Families were and continue to be under great pressure from the pandemic and economic stress. People of color also experience additional stress related to the public exposure of the disproportionate violence against Black people. In many cases, kinship groups are spending more time together, including those in intimate relationships. Values and belief system differences that may have been purposely hidden or that were just implicitly undiscussable may be uncovered and affect relationships permanently.
If you’d like to know more about healthy relationships and learn about which relationships are more likely to last, the Gottman Institute is a psychological research institute that studies couple interactions and nuances.
In “The Secret to a Successful Relationship,” in figure 3.14, host Julian Huguet describes the Gottmans’ work and predictors of success in the relationships that they have studied, primarily in heterosexual married couples.
While the Gottman Institute is known for its scientific research, as with many studies in social science, the majority of participating couples are White and heterosexual. The Gottmans participated with Dr. Robert Levenson in a 12-year study of 21 gay and 21 lesbian couples. In an effort to study underrepresented populations as well as partnerships outside of marriage, they have acknowledged this weakness and are reaching out to underrepresented people to tell their own relationship stories via a submission form on their website. You can participate here.
Comprehension Self Check
Licenses and Attributions for Societal and Personal Influences on Union Formations
Open Content, Original
“Societal and Personal Influences on Union Formation” by Elizabeth B. Pearce. License: CC BY 4.0.
“In Focus: What Makes Relationships Hard?” by Elizabeth B. Pearce. License: CC BY 4.0.
Open Content, Shared Previously
All Rights Reserved Content
Figure 3.12. “Relationships Are Hard, But Why?” License: Standard YouTube License.
Figure 3.13. Photograph © Bachelor Happy Hour. License: Fair Use.
Figure 3.14. “The Secret To A Successful Relationship” © DNews. License: Standard YouTube License.
References
Hax, C. (2020, August 22). Covid-19 will one day subside, but lying is relationship cancer. Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-covid-19-will-one-day-subside-but-lying-is-relationship-cancer/2020/08/19/483e6dd2-d8e2-11ea-aff6-220dd3a14741_story.html
Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. 644 (2015)
a biological descriptor involving chromosomes and internal/external reproductive organs.
the state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
a negative or discriminatory attitude toward others related to a specific characteristic or difference, often of a marginalized identity.
the social structure that ties people together (whether by blood, marriage, legal processes, or other agreements) and includes family relationships.
characterized by mutual trust, caring, and acceptance and often imply a romantic or sexual relationship.
a person who forms relationships with and advocates with or for others who are marginalized but do not have that marginalized identity themselves.
concerned with equity, equality, fairness and sometimes punishment.
the categorization of humans using observable physical or biological criteria, such as skin color, hair color or texture, facial features, etc.
a systematic investigation into a particular topic, examining materials, sources, and/or behaviors.