11.3 Relationships in Middle Childhood

As in earlier periods of life, relationships are a critical part of social and emotional development in middle childhood. During this phase, several important relationships emerge and evolve, playing a crucial role in shaping their overall well-being and growth. Friendships take on a newfound significance as children navigate the complexities of peer interactions, seeking acceptance, and forming connections with like-minded individuals. These friendships provide emotional support, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging that helps children develop their identities. Additionally, teachers become influential figures in middle school, fostering mentorship and guidance beyond the academic realm. These relationships offer a safe space for learning, encouragement, and personal development. Finally, familial bonds continue to be fundamental, as parents and siblings provide love, stability, and guidance during the often tumultuous middle school years. Together, these relationships form a vital web of support that helps children navigate the challenges and opportunities of this transitional period in their lives.

11.3.1 Middle childhood friendship

Friendship formation in middle childhood is influenced by several factors, including shared interests, proximity, and social skills (Parker & Asher, 1993). Children often gravitate towards peers who have similar hobbies, preferences, or activities, as these shared interests provide a basis for connection and shared experiences. Whether it’s playing sports, engaging in artistic endeavors, or exploring common hobbies, these shared activities provide opportunities for interaction and bonding.

Proximity also plays a significant role in friendship formation during this stage. Children tend to develop friendships with those who are physically close to them, such as classmates or neighbors. Daily interactions in school or within the community enable them to spend more time together, fostering familiarity and increasing the chances of forming friendships.

Furthermore, social skills become increasingly important in middle childhood friendships. Children begin to develop more advanced communication and conflict-resolution skills, allowing for more effective and meaningful interactions. They learn to share, take turns, negotiate, and empathize, which helps to build trust and strengthen their relationships. Developing these social competencies is crucial for navigating the complexities of friendship, resolving conflicts, and maintaining positive connections.

In middle childhood, friendships also start to take on more complex characteristics. Children become capable of forming reciprocal relationships, where they actively seek emotional support, engage in cooperative play, and demonstrate a deeper understanding of their friends’ feelings and perspectives. They begin to recognize and value qualities such as trust, loyalty, and kindness, which contribute to the formation of more enduring and meaningful friendships.

Overall, friendship formation in middle childhood is a dynamic process influenced by shared interests, proximity, and the development of social skills. It is during this stage that children experience significant growth in their ability to form deeper connections, building the foundation for future social interactions and relationships. These friendships not only provide emotional support but also contribute to the development of crucial social competencies that will continue to shape their social lives throughout adolescence and adulthood.

11.3.2 Gendered patterns in friendships

Gender has an influence on friendship formation in middle childhood, as children often exhibit gender-based preferences and behaviors in their social interactions. During this stage, children tend to gravitate towards peers of the same gender, seeking out friends who share their interests, play styles, and activities. Boys may be more inclined to form friendships with other boys, while girls may seek out female friends. Additionally, gender differences in play preferences become more pronounced, with boys engaging in rough-and-tumble play and competitive games, while girls lean towards cooperative play and imaginative activities. Socialization and adherence to gender roles also play a role, as children are influenced by societal expectations. Those who conform to traditional gender norms may find it easier to be accepted by same-gender peers, shaping their friendships. Moreover, gender stereotypes and biases can affect friendship formation, as children internalize societal beliefs about gender and make assumptions about potential friends based on these stereotypes. However, individual differences and personal preferences also influence friendship formation, and not all children conform to gender stereotypes.

  1. Social rejection/isolation
  1. Family
  1. Parent-child relationships
  1. Step parents
  2. Single parents
  1. Siblings
  1. Birth order
  2. Blended siblings
  1. Being an only child
  2. Extended family
  1. Grandparents
  2. Fictive kin network

11.3.3 Family formations

For many, the term “family” evokes images of a heterosexual, two-parent family, with two kids and a dog. Of course, this image, often referred to as the nuclear family, may dominate the accepted cultural construct of family, but family formations are much more diverse. Varying family formations emerge as children and their parents navigate life transitions. In addition to nuclear families, middle childhood may witness the formation of blended families, where parents form new relationships, resulting in the integration of step-parents and step-siblings into the family unit. Single-parent families are also prevalent, where one parent takes on the primary caregiving responsibilities. Furthermore, there are extended families, which involve close relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins living together or playing active roles in the child’s life. Family formations during middle childhood can vary greatly, reflecting the diversity and complexity of modern family structures, and have a significant impact on children’s social and emotional development.

11.3.3.1 Divorced families

Divorced families are a common family structure during middle childhood, resulting from the dissolution of a marriage between the parents. Children in divorced families often experience a significant adjustment period as they adapt to the new family dynamics and navigate the challenges that arise from the separation. Middle childhood is a critical developmental stage where children are more aware of their surroundings and capable of understanding complex emotions. Consequently, the divorce of their parents can evoke a range of emotions, including sadness, confusion, anger, and anxiety. Children may struggle with loyalty conflicts, as they may feel torn between their parents or experience feelings of guilt. Parental conflict and communication patterns can also impact children’s well-being during this time. However, divorced families can also provide opportunities for growth and resilience. With proper support and communication, children can learn effective coping mechanisms, develop resilience, and form strong bonds with both parents.

11.3.3.2 Blended families

Blended families, which occur when two adults in a committed relationship with children from previous relationships come together to form a new family unit, can have both positive and negative impacts on children in middle childhood. Here are some ways in which blended families can affect children during this developmental stage:

  • Adjusting to new family dynamics: Middle childhood is a time when children are developing a greater understanding of family relationships and roles. Joining a blended family can require children to adjust to new family dynamics, such as stepparents, stepsiblings, and potentially step-grandparents. These changes can initially cause stress and confusion as children navigate their roles and relationships within the blended family structure.
  • Emotional challenges: Children in middle childhood may experience a range of emotions as they adapt to the changes brought about by a blended family. They may feel a sense of loss or grief due to changes in their living arrangements or reduced time with one or both biological parents. They may also struggle with feelings of loyalty conflicts between their biological parents and the new stepparent or stepsiblings.
  • Building new relationships: Blended families require children to establish new relationships with stepparents and stepsiblings. Developing trust and rapport with new family members can take time and effort. Children may also need to adjust to differences in parenting styles, rules, and expectations between their biological parents and stepparents.
  • Sibling dynamics: In blended families, children may have to negotiate and navigate relationships with both biological and stepsiblings. The formation of new sibling relationships can involve competition, jealousy, or conflicts. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in helping children develop positive sibling dynamics and resolving any conflicts that may arise.
  • Loyalty and identity issues: Middle childhood is a time when children are forming their identities and developing a sense of belonging. In blended families, children may grapple with loyalty issues, feeling torn between their biological parents, their stepparent, and stepsiblings. They may also question their own identity as they integrate into a new family structure.
  • Benefits of increased support: Blended families can also provide children with increased emotional and social support. If the relationships within the blended family are positive and nurturing, children may benefit from having additional caring adults in their lives. They may gain new perspectives, experiences, and opportunities for personal growth.

11.3.3.3 Single parent families

The formation of single-parent families is a significant family dynamic that can occur during middle childhood. Single-parent families are characterized by one parent taking on the primary caregiving responsibilities for the child or children. There are various reasons for the formation of single-parent families, including divorce, separation, the death of a spouse, or a choice to parent alone. Middle childhood can be a challenging time for children in single-parent families, as they may experience the absence of the other parent and a significant adjustment to a new family structure. The single parent often faces unique challenges, such as balancing work and parenting responsibilities, financial pressures, and providing emotional support to their children. Despite these challenges, single-parent families can also foster strength and resilience in children, as they learn to adapt to new circumstances and develop strong bonds with their single parent. Additionally, support systems and resources, such as extended family, friends, and community organizations, can play a crucial role in helping single-parent families thrive and provide a nurturing environment for children during middle childhood.

11.3.3.4 Families experiencing loss of a parent

The loss of a parent during middle childhood can have a profound impact on a child’s well-being. Emotionally, children may experience grief, sadness, anger, and confusion as they grapple with the loss. They may also face challenges in expressing their emotions and require support to process their feelings effectively. The changes in family dynamics that occur as a result of the loss can disrupt the child’s sense of stability and security. Adjusting to a new family structure, whether it involves a stepparent, blended family, or single-parent household, can further impact the child’s well-being. Academically, the child may struggle with concentration, motivation, and engagement in school due to emotional distress and grief. Socially, maintaining relationships with peers may become challenging, and a sense of isolation or withdrawal can arise. The loss of a parent can also influence a child’s sense of identity and self-concept, as they question their role within the family and their own identity in relation to their deceased parent. The availability of support systems and coping mechanisms is crucial in helping children navigate the loss.

11.3.3.5 Unmarried and cohabiting families

Unmarried cohabiting families, where couples live together without being legally married, can face several unique challenges. Here are some common challenges associated with unmarried cohabiting families:

  • Legal and Financial Protections: Unlike married couples, unmarried cohabiting partners do not benefit from the same legal protections and financial rights. In the event of separation or the death of one partner, the legal framework may not provide the same level of support and division of assets as it would for married couples. This can lead to uncertainty and potential financial hardships for both partners and any children involved.
  • Perceived lack of Commitment: Unmarried cohabiting relationships may be viewed as less committed compared to marriage. This perception can affect the level of dedication and long-term planning within the relationship. The absence of a formal commitment can sometimes result in a lack of stability and uncertainty, which can impact the emotional well-being of all family members, including children.
  • Social Stigma and Lack of Recognition: Unmarried cohabiting families may face social stigma and a lack of recognition from certain segments of society. Traditional cultural or religious beliefs may view marriage as the only acceptable form of family structure. This can result in feelings of marginalization, judgment, and a sense of not being fully accepted as a legitimate family unit.
  • Limited Legal Rights and Parental Responsibilities: Unmarried cohabiting partners may face challenges regarding legal rights and responsibilities as parents. In some jurisdictions, the non-biological or non-adoptive parent may have limited or no legal rights to the child, making decisions regarding education, healthcare, or other important matters more complex. These legal uncertainties can cause additional stress and potential conflicts within the family.
  • Lack of Social Support: Compared to married couples, unmarried cohabiting families may have limited access to the support networks and resources typically available to married couples, such as family benefits, community programs, and social services. This can place additional strains on the family, particularly during times of financial or emotional need.

11.3.3.6 LGBTQ families

Youth in LGBTQ families during middle childhood can have unique experiences that are shaped by their family structure and the social context in which they live. In these families, children may have same-sex parents, transgender parents, or parents who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Middle childhood is a period when children become more aware of their own identity and start to understand societal norms and expectations related to gender and sexuality.

The experiences of youth in LGBTQ families can be influenced by several factors. Acceptance and support within the family are crucial. Children who grow up in a loving and affirming environment where their parents’ sexual orientation or gender identity is celebrated tend to have positive experiences. They may develop a strong sense of self-acceptance, inclusivity, and empathy towards others. However, challenges may arise due to external factors. Stigma, prejudice, and discrimination can impact children’s well-being and sense of belonging. They may encounter misconceptions or bias from peers, educators, or community members regarding their family structure. Such experiences can lead to feelings of isolation, lower self-esteem, or emotional distress.

Supportive communities and access to resources are essential for youth in LGBTQ families. When surrounded by accepting communities, inclusive schools, and supportive social networks, children can feel more affirmed and secure in their identities. Involvement in LGBTQ+ organizations, community events, or support groups can provide opportunities for connection, mentorship, and positive role models. Parental support and communication also play crucial roles. When parents openly discuss topics related to gender and sexuality, address any concerns or questions their child may have, and advocate for their child’s well-being, it can foster a healthy and empowering environment.

Overall, the experiences of youth in LGBTQ families during middle childhood vary based on the level of acceptance, support, and the presence of inclusive environments. By promoting inclusivity, education, and supportive resources, society can create an environment where all children, regardless of their family structure, can thrive and feel valued.

11.3.3.7 Adoptive families

Adoptive families play a vital role in middle childhood, as this is a stage where children have a growing awareness of their family origins and may have a deeper understanding of their adoption story. Adoptive families are formed when parents choose to bring a child into their family through legal adoption. In middle childhood, children in adoptive families may begin to have more questions about their adoption, their birth parents, and their own identity. It is crucial for adoptive parents to provide an open and supportive environment where children feel comfortable discussing their adoption journey. Middle childhood is also a time when children develop a greater sense of belonging and social connections. Adoptive families can provide a nurturing and loving environment, helping children form secure attachments and develop a positive sense of self. Additionally, adoptive families may choose to maintain connections with birth families through open adoption, facilitating a deeper understanding of their heritage and providing a sense of identity.

11.3.3.8 Families navigating poverty

Children growing up in families navigating poverty can face a range of challenges that can impact their overall well-being and development. Poverty often limits a family’s access to basic necessities such as adequate nutrition, healthcare, housing, and educational opportunities. Insufficient access to nutritious food, healthcare services, and stable housing can negatively impact a child’s physical health, growth, and overall development. Lack of resources and opportunities may also limit their access to quality education, extracurricular activities, and enrichment programs, potentially affecting their academic achievement and future prospects.

Children in poverty may experience increased stress, anxiety, and a sense of insecurity due to economic hardships. Financial instability, frequent moves, and exposure to family conflict related to financial strain can create emotional burdens for children. They may also witness their parents’ stress and worry, which can further impact their own emotional well-being and development.

Poverty can create barriers to educational success. Limited access to resources, such as books, technology, and educational support, may hinder a child’s academic progress. The lack of stable housing or frequent moves can disrupt their schooling, leading to educational gaps and difficulties in building relationships with peers and teachers.

Children from economically disadvantaged families may experience higher rates of health problems and have limited access to healthcare. This can lead to untreated medical conditions, delayed or inadequate healthcare, and challenges in maintaining overall well-being. Poor nutrition, limited access to safe recreational spaces, and exposure to environmental risks can further contribute to health disparities.

Poverty can lead to social stigmatization and marginalization, which can impact a child’s self-esteem and social interactions. They may face stereotypes and biases from peers, leading to feelings of shame, embarrassment, or exclusion. The lack of financial resources to participate in social activities or have material possessions that their peers may have can also contribute to social isolation.

Children’s experiences in families navigating poverty can vary depending on various factors, such as the duration of poverty, the presence of support networks, and access to government or community assistance programs. Nonetheless, addressing the impacts of poverty on children requires a comprehensive approach that involves providing access to basic needs, quality education, healthcare, and social support systems. Creating opportunities for economic mobility, reducing inequality, and promoting inclusive policies can help alleviate the challenges faced by children growing up in poverty.

11.3.4 Licenses and Attributions for Relationships in Middle Childhood

“Relationships in Middle Childhood” by Terese Jones is licensed under CC BY 4.0.

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Thriving Development: A Review of Prenatal through Adolescent Growth Copyright © by Terese Jones; Christina Belli; and Esmeralda Janeth Julyan. All Rights Reserved.

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