Much of human development literature omits or provides limited information on sexual development in the early years. Infants and toddlers are often not seen as sexual beings or as having abilities related to sexuality. These misconceptions create an incomplete understanding of human sexuality. More importantly, we miss the opportunity to build the foundation for many other important concepts such as attachment, gender identity, romantic relationships, body image, and self-esteem.

Scientists, philosophers, and medical experts have established human sexuality as an essential aspect of human experience at all ages. Sexual development is a lifelong process that begins in utero with the development of the sexual organs and hormone activity. Development during infancy and toddlerhood is mainly focused on body awareness and exploration. Caregivers play an important role in how a child perceives themselves, the child’s awareness and knowledge of their sexual organs, and in the development of body safety and consent.

5.17.1 Body Development

The sexual organs play an important role in determining biological sex and gender assignment at birth. Medical professionals rely on the identification of external genitalia to label a child as female, male, or intersex. The external genitalia for female children is known as the vulva and includes the mons pubis and labia majora. Inside the vulva, you will find the labia minora, the clitoris, and the vaginal opening. The external genitalia of male children includes the penis and scrotum. Within the penis, you will find the urethral opening (used for urination) and within the scrotum, you will find the testicles.

When babies are born their sexual organs, or genitals, often appear swollen and enlarged. This is due to the hormones and birthing process. Female babies may produce vaginal lubrication, and male babies may have penile erections randomly or in response to touch. We are far more acquainted with male baby erections than vaginal lubrication because they are easier to detect. In fact, ultrasounds have shown developing male fetuses with erections before birth.

During the early years, many cultures engage in rituals or practices such as circumcision and female genital surgery. These practices can impact the way the sexual organs grow and the sensations associated with them.

5.17.2 Body Awareness and Exploration

In infancy, sexual development involves a child’s awareness of their physical bodies and responding positively or negatively to touch. They begin to understand that certain body parts cause pleasurable sensations. Pleasure-seeking and self-soothing through physical touch helps an infant strengthen important cognitive connections in their brain. For example, physical contact between the infant and the caregiver reinforces bonding and attachment. While there is nothing inherently “sexual” about a caregiver and infant engaging in healthy touch and bonding, these types of interactions lay the foundation for future sexual behavior.

Infants and toddlers are not aware of pleasurable touch as a source of erotism or sexual behavior, but they are aware of the connection between physical contact and pleasure or pain. As infants develop motor skills and move their bodies with intention, they will learn the location and feel of their genitals. Toddlers are more aware of their bodies, and they may be more intentional with touching their sexual organs. Toddlers may also show interest in other’s bodies and ask questions such as “why does my brother have a penis, and I don’t?”

Various parts of the human body, like the genitals, have a lot of nerve endings that make them particularly sensitive to touch. Infants and toddlers often begin to explore their bodies during dressing, bathing, and diaper changing times. They become curious about their body parts and the sensations associated with them. It is completely normal and healthy for young children to touch their own genitals. As children’s cognitive capacities grow, the caregivers can begin to have conversations about safety, sanitary practices, and privacy.

A caregiver’s positive response to body exploration is crucial for healthy sexual development. It is important for adults to use the appropriate names for body parts as this helps reduce the stigma around sexuality. Adults must also be aware of their own attitudes and beliefs around sexuality. If we were taught that touching one’s sexual organs was bad, we may project those negative messages onto our children. Our confidence as parents in guiding our children through this stage of sexual development can lead to positive acceptance of one’s genitals, the ability to share our feelings, the ability to make healthy decisions about controlling our sexual actions, and both giving or asking for consent in the future.

5.17.3 Body Safety and Consent

Even though children may not completely understand how to protect themselves from harm, learning about inappropriate touch and consent is a process that should start early. We may discuss with children to run into the street long before they are able to follow this instruction. We can also communicate the message that their genitals are for them to touch only and their caretaker for cleaning purposes only.

When changing a diaper, a caregiver can explain each step of the process and provide a reason for what they are doing. For example, “I am removing your diaper, so I can clean your vulva or penis.” It is very important to use appropriate body part names from a young age. This will avoid misunderstandings in the future. For example, if at home a child’s vagina is referred to as a “cookie,” the preschool teacher may not know at school what the child means when they say, “someone is touching their “cookie.” When parents practice respect toward their child and teach them about their body and body safety, it empowers them to stand up to others when something doesn’t feel right.

Modesty for toddlers can be inconsistent. Sometimes, they may choose to take off all of their clothes and run naked around the house. Other times they may refuse to change in front of a parent or a sibling. When we respect their wishes children will learn that what they say, think, and feel matters. They will also learn to say no if they do not want to do something. Do not force children to undress in front of a sibling or anyone, if they do not want to. Instead, provide a private place for them to change, to go to the bathroom or bathe.