In Chapter 4, we learned that the attachment between babies and their caregivers begins in the womb and is strengthened through feeding and physical closeness after birth. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs demonstrates that when these two needs (nutrition and security) are met, they become essential building blocks for a variety of future behaviors and skills, including social and emotional development. Infants are wired to seek closeness to their caregivers. According to Dr. Linda Palmer, “Babies are designed to be frequently fed in a fashion that requires skin-to-skin contact, holding, and available facial cues. Beneficial, permanent brain changes result in both parent and infant from just such actions” (Palmer, 2013).

Young children’s brains are positively shaped when their caregivers respond to their needs and when caregivers maintain crucial physical and emotional closeness to them. Even short periods of separation can cause a stress response in a young child. This is why they cry when they are put down or when they are not close to their mothers or primary caregivers. Physical touch is a powerful and biological way for children to connect because it is necessary for their well-being and survival.

Birth mothers and primary caregivers often have an overwhelming desire to be near their children as newborns and well into their early childhood. Unfortunately, social and political factors play a role in the amount of time a primary caregiver spends with their child. The lack of a rigorous and extensive paid parental leave policy in the United States means many primary caregivers are forced to leave their young children in another person’s care in order to go back to work. A review of research concludes that “babies of mothers with full-time jobs are more likely than other babies to have avoidant attachments” (Collin, 1991).

Cultural and societal trends can also impact the parent-child relationship. In the United States, the trend to let babies “cry it out” became popular as the economic and social landscape changed for families. Friends and family, even doctors, directed mothers to allow their children to cry to avoid raising whiney, dependent people. In a popular, early 20th-century manual, Dr. L. Emmet Holt advised parents to simply allow a child to cry it out for an hour or longer in extreme cases. He stated, “Such discipline is not to be carried out unless one is sure as to the cause of the habitual crying” (Holt, 1907).

It is important to note that much of the research and advice about responding to young children came from men. Their hypotheses and research countered the instincts and cultural knowledge passed along to mothers and families over generations. Practices that go against natural instincts and biological needs have proven to be unhealthy for children and their primary caregivers.

In humans, routine mother-infant separation shortly after birth is unique to the 20th century. This practice diverges from evolutionary history, where neonatal survival depended on close and virtually continuous maternal contact. Although from an evolutionary perspective skin-to-skin contact (SSC) is the norm, separating the newborn from its mother soon after birth has now become common practice in many industrialized societies (Moore et al., 2012).

Perhaps the most notable cases of neglectful attachment come from the Romanian orphanage studies. Orphanages in Romania were known to be overcrowded with children and severely understaffed, and abuse and neglect were common. These conditions were brought to the forefront of the media after political change in the 1990s. Young children laid in their cribs all day with little to no stimulation, even though they encountered several adults throughout the day. They were not held, rocked, or sang to. The only interaction they received was when they were being fed, bathed, or diapered, and this was done on a strict schedule.

Researchers from Harvard Medical School decided to study a group of 136 children from several Romanian orphanages to see how institutionalized conditions impacted their development. Their ages ranged from 6 months to 3 years old, and they were studied over several years. What the researchers found was a severe impact on brain development and subsequent skill development. These children had smaller brains, which meant that they had lower volume of neurons and nerve fibers (Sheridan et al., 2012). This type of neglect led to abnormal cognitive, language, and motor development, as well as abnormal personality development. Children displayed deficits in executive functioning and social functioning (Nelson, 2017).

Children who did not receive caring interactions within these institutions had impacted attachment styles. The Harvard researchers concluded that “children who were at one time institutionalized seem to display non-normative attachment and behaviors toward caregivers compared to the average child of the same age group” (Riddle, 2017). Some of the children were sent to foster homes during the study. Researchers noted that these children, especially the youngest ones, showed improvements in many areas of development. The children who remained in institutionalized care did not show any improvements.

As demonstrated by these studies and through generations of lived experience, children need loving and caring attachments to their caregivers. Caregivers also need the ability and time to attend to their child’s needs, especially when they are very young. Positive attachments are cycled through to future generations. “The effects of infant attachment are long-term, influencing generations of families” (Colin, 1991). A child who forms a healthy attachment will likely become a parent who is able to form a healthy attachment to their own child.

Parenting Styles

There are many different approaches to caring for and connecting with a child. Cultural and social expectations fuel the expectations parents have for themselves and their children. A working parent may have less patience if they are feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. Parents who are able to achieve a work life balance are less stressed and therefore less likely to have conflict with their children (Molina, 2021). All of these factors influence the quality of attachment and bonding.

Researcher Diana Baumrind sought to understand how authority and affection influence parenting and children’s behavior. Her research has led to the recognition of four distinct types of parenting styles known as authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved (Baumrind 1971, 1989 & Maccoby & Martin, 1983). These parenting styles are associated with child outcomes both in the early years and later in life.

Authoritative: Authoritative parenting is characterized by warmth, flexibility, and healthy boundaries. This type of parenting is often associated with the most positive outcomes for the child. Children tend to grow up with confidence and are capable of regulating their emotions and behavior. They tend to have positive relationships with their parents and others.

Authoritarian: Authoritarian parenting is characterized by strict rules and high standards, with little warmth or flexibility. This type of parenting is often associated with fear and punishment. Children may grow up complacent to authority figures, be unable to make their own decisions, or demonstrate aggression. They may have trouble connecting with others, have low self-esteem, or struggle with emotional regulation.

Permissive: Permissive parenting is characterized by warmth and flexibility but very few boundaries or expectations for behavior. This type of parenting is often associated with lots of freedom but very little support. Children may grow up with good self-esteem and social skills, but they may also lack impulse control, emotional regulation, or the ability to handle rejection and failure.

Uninvolved: Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is characterized by limited attention, nurturing, and few expectations. A child may have their basic needs met, but parents do not provide regular guidance or support to the developing child. Children may grow up to be self-sufficient and independent, but they may also lack coping and regulation skills and tend to have low self-esteem.

Research has shown that the biggest predictor of our parenting practices and the attachment we form with our children is the attachment style we formed when we were young (Firestone, 2015). Therefore, our childhood experiences impact the way we parent and the quality of the attachment we form with our children. If your childhood was characterized by abuse, trauma, or neglect, this does not mean that you will become that way as a parent. Many parents absorb the norms and practices from their own upbringing, while others actively strive to parent in vastly different ways from how they were raised. Parents can reflect on their childhood experiences and educate themselves on ways to form healthy attachments and how to break negative generational cycles. It takes some work, but it can be done.

Information on specific attachment styles can be found in the Attachment Theory section of this chapter.

Identity Formation

Caregivers are the starting point for a child’s development of self. They learn who they are based on the way they are treated. If a child receives warm and positive care from their guardians, they will learn that they are loved and cared for. If a child is ignored or treated in a harsh, condescending way, the child may think that there is something wrong with them. “The process of recognizing oneself seems to be gradual and continuous” (Brooks-Gunn & Lewis, 1975). Healthy attachments set the child up not only to view themselves in positive ways, but also to view their caregivers, and thereby the world, as positive influences.

Researchers believe that children start to develop a sense of self once they recognize that they are separate beings from their primary caregivers. There is no general consensus on what age this process begins, and research on infants has had mixed results. What we do know is that young infants spend much time exploring their bodies via their senses. They eventually understand that they have a body and that they can do things with it like make noises or manipulate objects in their environment. Another stepping stone to developing a sense of self is when children attain object permanence, which is the understanding that someone or something is there, even when not visibly present.

At around 6 to 12 months, infants will experience separation anxiety when they are not near their primary caregiver. This implies their understanding that the caregiver is a separate person. Their absence causes stress within the child, which the child expresses through crying or other vocalizations. Emotional expression also demonstrates a child’s understanding of self. For example, emotions like guilt or shame indicate that the child has become conscious of themselves and their actions. How a caregiver responds to the child’s behavior is key in creating an understanding of themselves.

Toddlers can clearly demonstrate their sense of self when their language becomes more developed. They will use phrases such as “I do it” or “that’s mine,” which indicate understanding of possession and one’s own identity. They also exercise their right to independence, which can be seen in the way they manipulate objects in their environment through exploration and play. As toddlers move through the preoperational stage and develop their cognitive and social skills, they will learn to understand empathy and to see situations through the eyes of others. This furthers their understanding of themselves and their relation to others or things in the world.

A child’s cultural and ethnic background also impacts their identity formation. Children will be exposed to cultural norms early on in the form of language, social rituals, values and beliefs, religion, and family structures. Certain cultures may place importance on individual skills and mastery, while other cultures focus on how each person contributes to the larger community. Identity development is a dynamic process and rarely remains static. As children interact with more adults and children, the formation of their identity can mold and change.

Licenses and Attributions for Attachment and Bonding

“Attachment and Bonding” by Christina Belli is licensed under CC BY 4.0.