Most people lack confidence and are uncertain of what lies ahead, especially when knew to a career. It is a natural response to feel insecure and overly cautious about unknown horizons. But be assured that if your teachers, mentors and accountability partners did their job as prescribed, chances are that you will do just fine in the field. It is about taking the first step and knowing that ahead there are people who just like you once were insecure.

8.3.1 Being Good Enough versus Perfect

In the human services field you are evaluated on whether your work complies with the requirements of your job. Seldom is perfection an actual measure because human qualities and behaviors cannot be measured in a Likert scale. If your work is considered good it means you have met the standards of that specific objective. Aiming for perfection is a noble goal, but it is an impossible level to achieve because in human services, you work with people, and people are highly unpredictable and seldom satisfied.

The following concepts are strategies used by people who want to strive for more than just good – reach for excellence in hope of reaching perfection along the way.

8.3.1.1 Listen reflectively

Most of us are just bad listeners, especially today when the cell phone seems to be attached to our hands. When engaged in a face to face conversation with another person, ideally, as listeners we should be present, actively engaged in the conversation and make the speaker feel validated.

Successful listening is being a reflective listener. Reflective listeners use a receptive body language, that is, the body is relaxed and vulnerable; we maintain direct eye contact with the speaker’s eyes and respond to verbal and nonverbal cues. The key here is to listen, rephrase what you are hearing and ask for clarification if unsure. For example, a coworker tells you that you seemed “a little rude” to a client. While your first reaction may be to defend yourself, reflective listening invites you to sit with this information and reflect on what you are hearing. You may already be aware that you were in a bad mood because of something else, or you may not understand what the coworker means. You can then ask a clarifying question, such as “Can you tell me more about what you observed? Do you have suggestions for improvement?” This turns the interaction into a learning opportunity.

8.3.1.2 Use positive self-talk

Many people are aware of an internal or inner voice that is continuously running a monologue throughout the day. This inner voice, or self-talk, is the internal conscious dialogue influenced by the subconscious mind. The thoughts, beliefs, questions, ideas and experiences we have, the brain uses to make sense of our daily existence. Pessimists use self-defeating internal dialogue. Human nature tends to lean toward negative self-talk and as such fosters fears and tears down our self-confidence. Optimists are positive thinkers and are effective stress managers, have better quality of life, unlike the pessimists whose internal dialogue is usually not based on reality and drowns the self-concept in negativity.

Your self-talk needs to emphasize positivity as well as silencing your inner critic by shifting the focus away from criticism to self-reflection. Instead of focusing on a supposed mistake, ask yourself bigger questions about the situation such as:

• Will it matter in five years?
• What would you say to a friend in the same situation?
• What will you do differently in the future?

8.3.1.3 Manage stress

Stress is unavoidable. It can be beneficial if under control but damaging if not. The most common stressors in life are death in the family, money, divorce, health, work, and the regular hassles of daily life. When these stressors are not controlled they force the body to be in high alert mode, causing concentration problems, mood swings, mental and physical problems, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression and anxiety. Stress-related disorders, for example PTSD, depression, and anxiety, are seen more often in women than in men (National Center for PTSD, Boston VA Healthcare System, Boston, MA).

Aside from gender differences, resilient personality types tend to be less affected and might even be more productive under stress. Resiliency is a learned response, that is after we overcome a major stressor, we bounce back with a greater appreciation for our lives, family, friends and other things. Among the top suggestions for lowering stress is exercise and physical activity, meditation, taking time to pamper yourself and seek help with daily strains caused by caregiving, relationships, health, work, and money.

Your mental and physical health should always be your top priority.

(7 Steps to Manage Stress and Build Resilience, National Institute of Health:Office of Research on Women’s Health)

8.3.1.4 Practice daily self-care

One of the most common and disturbing bad habits is the lack of time we devote to caring for ourselves – body, mind and spirit. Often we take better care of our pets and our loved ones forgetting that if we are not feeling well those who depend on us will not get their needs met. Make it a daily priority to take time out for your body’s physical, mental and spiritual needs. Refer to Chapter 5 for an in-depth discussion of self-care.