8.3 Confidence in the Face of Uncertainty
Most people lack confidence and are uncertain of what lies ahead, especially when new to a career. It is a natural response to feel insecure and overly cautious about unknown horizons. But be assured that if your teachers, mentors, and accountability partners did their job as prescribed, chances are that you will do just fine in the field. It is about taking the first step and knowing that ahead there are people who, just like you, were once insecure. The following concepts are strategies used by people who want to strive for more than just good—reach for excellence in the hope of reaching perfection along the way.
Embrace Good Enough over Perfect
In the human services field, you are evaluated on whether your work complies with the requirements of your job. Seldom is perfection an actual measure because human qualities and behaviors cannot be measured on a Likert scale. If your work is considered good, it means you have met the standards of that specific objective. Aiming for perfection is a noble goal, but it is an impossible level to achieve because in human services, you work with people, and people are highly unpredictable and seldom satisfied.
Listen Reflectively
Most of us are just bad listeners, especially today when cell phones seem to be attached to our hands. When engaged in a face-to-face conversation with another person, ideally, as listeners, we should be present, actively engaged in the conversation, and make the speaker feel validated.
Successful listening is being a reflective listener. Reflective listeners use a receptive body language, that is, the body is relaxed and vulnerable; we maintain direct eye contact with the speaker’s eyes and respond to verbal and nonverbal cues. The key here is to listen, rephrase what you are hearing, and ask for clarification if unsure. For example, a coworker tells you that you seemed “a little rude” to a client. While your first reaction may be to defend yourself, reflective listening invites you to sit with this information and reflect on what you are hearing. You may already be aware that you were in a bad mood because of something else, or you may not understand what the coworker means. You can then ask a clarifying question, such as, “Can you tell me more about what you observed? Do you have suggestions for improvement?” This turns the interaction into a learning opportunity.
Use Positive Self-Talk
Many people are aware of an internal or inner voice that is continuously running a monologue throughout the day. This inner voice, or self-talk, is the internal conscious dialogue influenced by the subconscious mind. The thoughts, beliefs, questions, ideas, and experiences we have are used by the brain to make sense of our daily existence. Pessimists use self-defeating internal dialogue. Human nature tends to lean toward negative self-talk and, as such, fosters fears and tears down our self-confidence. Optimists are positive thinkers, effective stress managers, and have a better quality of life—unlike the pessimists, whose internal dialogue is usually not based on reality and drowns the self-concept in negativity.
Your self-talk needs to emphasize positivity as well as silencing your inner critic by shifting the focus away from criticism to self-reflection. Instead of focusing on a supposed mistake, ask yourself bigger questions about the situation, such as:
- Will it matter in five years?
- What would you say to a friend in the same situation?
- What will you do differently in the future?
In Focus: Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome—the feeling like you do not belong either in a profession, a role, or at an agency—has become a topic of much discussion in the helping fields. There are many articles, podcasts, and even books dedicated to the concept of imposter syndrome and how to erase these thoughts from your mind.
There are even lists to help you decide if you have imposter syndrome, like this one from the website Verywellmind.com:
- Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?
- Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?
- Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism?
- Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phony?
- Do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others?
Most of the materials on imposter syndrome focus on how you, the worker, can deal with these feelings and change your behavior. However, there is another viewpoint—many of us feel imposter syndrome because the workplace has spent years trying to convince us we don’t belong. Our feelings are valid in the fact that we have intentionally been made to feel as if we are imposters. If this is the case, then the best approach is to simply ignore those messages. We are not the ones with the problem—the problem resides in the white, male-dominated majority culture.
The video below is a speech given by Reshma Saujoni, the founder and CEO of GirlsWho Code, in which she debunks the concept of imposter syndrome.
Manage Stress
Stress is unavoidable. It can be beneficial if under control but damaging if not. The most common stressors in life are death in the family, money, divorce, health, work, and the regular hassles of daily life. When these stressors are not controlled, they force the body to be in high alert mode, causing concentration problems and mood swings, as well as mental and physical problems, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, and anxiety. Stress-related disorders—for example, PTSD, depression, and anxiety—are seen more often in women than in men (National Center for PTSD, Boston VA Healthcare System, Boston, MA).
Aside from gender differences, resilient personality types tend to be less affected and might even be more productive under stress. Resiliency is a learned response. After we overcome a major stressor, we bounce back with a greater appreciation for our lives, family, friends, and other things. Among the top suggestions for lowering stress are exercise and physical activity, meditation, taking time to pamper yourself, and seeking help with daily strains caused by caregiving, relationships, health, work, and money.
Your mental and physical health should always be your top priority.
Practice Daily Self-Care
One of the most common and disturbing bad habits is the lack of time we devote to caring for ourselves—body, mind, and spirit. Often we take better care of our pets and our loved ones forgetting that if we are not feeling well, those who depend on us will not get their needs met. Make it a daily priority to take time out for your body’s physical, mental, and spiritual needs. Refer to Chapter 5 for an in-depth discussion of self-care.
Confidence in the Face of Uncertainty Licenses and Attributions
“Embrace ‘Good Enough’ Over ‘Perfect’” by Ivan Mancinelli-Franconi PhD is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
“Imposter Syndrome” by Yvonne Smith LCSW is licensed under CC-BY 4.0.
the belief that you can be successful when presented with a challenge.
time taken to review your experience and process what you learned.
feedback designed to help the listener improve their performance.
the shared beliefs, customs and rituals of a group of people
any activity you participate in whose function is to nourish you either physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.