2.5 Principles for Inclusive Revision

Macro level: acknowledge and take responsibility for the ways your discipline has contributed to systems of power and oppression that have resulted in the marginalization of people.

Example

“The American Psychological Association failed in its role leading the discipline of psychology, was complicit in contributing to systemic inequities, and hurt many through racism, racial discrimination, and denigration of people of color, thereby falling short on its mission to benefit society and improve lives. APA is profoundly sorry, accepts responsibility for, and owns the actions and inactions of APA itself, the discipline of psychology, and individual psychologists who stood as leaders for the organization and field.”

Micro level: ensure your sentences are active and direct so it is clear who is responsible for the action.

Example

In this example, the passive voice does not acknowledge the actor in the sentence:  “Slaves were considered property.” Instead, try revising so the actor is visible in the sentence: “Enslavers treated captive Africans as property.” For more about accountability at the micro-level, see Writing about Slavery/Teaching About Slavery: This Might Help [Website].

Macro level: give specific names, background, and context to ideas rather than assuming familiarity.

Example

Instead of a statement like “Many people in society experience inequality,” spend more time teasing out the specifics: “Social inequality is a pervasive issue in contemporary U.S. society. According to recent studies, income inequality has been increasing steadily over the past several decades, with the top 1% of earners holding an increasingly large share of the country’s wealth. Additionally, racial and gender disparities in access to education, healthcare, and job opportunities continue to persist, leading to unequal outcomes for individuals from marginalized communities. These patterns of inequality can have far-reaching consequences for both individuals and society as a whole.” In this revised statement, the author has specified the type of inequality they are referring to (social inequality), provided evidence to support the claim, and identified the potential consequences of this inequality.

Micro level: use specific, concrete examples to bring abstract ideas to life.

Example

Socialization is an abstract concept. But when you describe what socialization looks like or feels like, it becomes more concrete (perceivable through the five senses). Use “for example” or “for instance” to help students connect the new idea to something they’re already familiar with.

Macro level: revising for precision means focusing on what matters and getting rid of anything extraneous. A common barrier to student understanding is not knowing what’s important or what to focus on.

Example

The cardinal rule of revision for precision can be summed up in this quote by William Zinsser from On Writing Well: “Writing improves in direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it that shouldn’t be there.”

Micro level: define essential terminology so readers have a precise, shared understanding of important concepts.

Example

This example shows how to define specialized language for a general audience: “The property that a person leaves behind when they die is called the decedent’s estate. The decedent is the person who died. Their estate is the property they owned when they died.”

Macro level: feature scholars from marginalized communities and connect concepts to readers’ lived experiences.

Example

Featuring scholars from marginalized communities means placing them on equal footing with the “founding fathers” of your discipline.

Micro level: use student-centered, person-first, or identity-first language.

Example

Address the reader as “you.” Provide examples that include people. Avoid phrases like “the poor” or “the mentally ill” that reduces people to a label. For more, see Person-Centered Language [Website].