Chapter Overview

With deep gratitude to my family of origin, my chosen family, my family of students and colleagues, and the wider family that includes our ancestors and our descendants. Because of you, I know love.

I am honored to teach and learn from the students who told their stories and the stories of their families throughout this book, but particularly in this chapter. Thank you for your generosity.

—Kim Puttman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2tpjf8G6nQ

When you think of family, what comes to mind? It may be the family you grew up in. It may be the family group you formed in college or the Army. It may be the family you are in now. Or it may be the favorite family you watch in movies or TV. We experience a wide range of families throughout our life.

As usual, sociologists are more specific. We have the definition of the US census, “A family is a group of two people or more (one of whom is the householder) related by birth, marriage, or adoption and residing together” (US Census 2021).We have the definition based on our “ideal” family, the nuclear family, the mom, the dad, 2.3 children, a dog, a cat, and a white picket fence.

However, the lived experience of family is often different than both of those definitions.

It may be that your family is just you and your kids right now. You start with school lunches and dropping off school projects. At work, you take orders, and wipe tables as if your family’s life depends on it, because it does. Then once the kids are in bed, you start your school homework, because you know that a college degree is the only way to ensure stability for your kids. You are perpetually short of sleep and money. Hopefully, you can pay your rent next month, if the car doesn’t break down.

It may be that you live in an extended family. Your house has parents and grandparents, a cousin or two, and the baby, who is also your niece, but sometimes feels like your daughter. Some of your family lives here in the US, and some of your family lives elsewhere. What makes it hard is that some of you are looking forward to a family visit this summer. Some family members have to stay home. Although they haven’t seen their mom in almost twenty years, they can’t leave because once they leave, they can’t come back.

It may be that the very word “family” makes you a little sick to your stomach. Everyone else seems to have these fantasy lives with parents they can depend on. For you, though, family is where you have experienced your deepest wounding. Perhaps your parents kicked you out because you were queer. Perhaps your partner beat you up. Perhaps it was more subtle but no less toxic— that you were less than because you were different. This sick feeling makes you glad that you are on your own. Maybe, it makes you determined to create a family that is healthy and welcoming.

In this chapter, we ask the question, “Who belongs?” We will consider who gets to decide what family is. We will look specifically at ethnicity and power, particularly in how definitions of citizenship and belonging have changed over time. We will also look at how queer families are changing definitions of belonging for themselves and others. We will use the sociological theories of family autonomy and bodily autonomy to make sense of this world. Finally, we will look at the power of queer Dreamers as an intersectional social movement that creates interdependent solutions of individual agency and collective action to expand social justice in who belongs.

Licenses and Attributions for Chapter Overview and Learning Objectives

Open Content, Original

“Chapter Overview” by Kimberly Puttman is licensed under CC BY 4.0.

Figure 7.1. “Who Belongs?: Family Stories of Immigration” by Kimberly Puttman, Kevin Acosta, Omar Ruiz Garcia and Samantha Kuk, Open Oregon Educational Resources, is licensed under CC BY-ND 4.0.